you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
