My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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