PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
