Do vagina's smell?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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