He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
