His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
