would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think your dad took our porno
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
