Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
