Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
