I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When are your genitals available?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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