Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
