We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
