i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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