if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
