Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
