driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
