woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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