Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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