did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
