I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
