I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
