so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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