I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
