I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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