my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
