I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
