As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
