but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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