Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
