Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
