I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
