If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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