even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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