I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
