I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
