I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
