Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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