i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
