stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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