They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
