May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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