Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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