You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
