i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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