you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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