You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
