Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
