i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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