i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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