you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
