Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
